Candid Karina

{January 23, 2012}   Settling Down…
Would you “Settle” for Mr. or Mrs. Not-So-Right if your only other option was to remain single for life?
YES – 31.25%
NO – 68.75%
Read more: Should you settle or remain single?

I came across the above survey recently, and I’ve got to admit, I’m kind of stunned at the percentages.

Over 30% of people say they would rather “Settle” with the wrong person than be single?
I mean…I suppose this shouldn’t entirely come as a shock to me.  After all, I know people who have done just that.  I have so called “friends” who have basically let one that they married who they are married to because it was about time they got married.  They were at that age.  It was the next “expected” move in their life.  They had been together long enough that it was what was supposed to happen.  Or my favorite: “I am not getting any younger, and I want kids”.
Maybe I’m idealistic then, but I think “but what of love?”  What about knowing that this thing, this commitment, is for life, and therefore, you want to be SURE before you take that step?  I know there are no guarantees in life, and I certainly know that marriage is not exactly known for being fail proof…
But to go into it already knowing you are “settling” for less than what you feel is right?  To agree to spend your life with someone you are not entirely sure about simply because the alternative is to be on your own?
It baffles me.
And maybe it is because I am single, and have been for the better part of my adult life, that I can look at this from the perspective of the other 60ish percentage.  But…I just can’t imagine committing my future to someone who will only be one 3rd or one 4th, instead of one half of what is meant to be.
Because, on my own?  I am at 100%.  I give my all, I do it all, I embrace it all, I LIVE it all.  On my own, my life is filled with 100% of the joy and one 100% of the pain.  On my own, I have my successes and my failures, and I own them both.  On my own, although alone, and even, sometimes, a bit lonely, I am true to myself. 
Whenever (if ever) I take that step to commit my life to someone else, I don’t expect them to elevate me to 150%.  But I also don’t expect them to deflate me to 80 or 70…or less than 50%…
It is a partnership.  One, in my eyes, founded on love, faith, and yes, hard work.  But most of all, it needs to be founded on a mutual understanding of truth.  The truth that both halves, already at their highest on their own, can then together create a new 100%.  Mix 100% water, with 100% coffee beans, and what you have is a 100% delicious cup of coffee…neither takes away from the other, but in fact, creates a WHOLE new…well…WHOLE.
Different, maybe even better…but definitely not less than..or why would we bother?
Why would we settle for anything less?
I won’t.  I can’t.
So, until then, I guess it’ll be just me.

Amber says:

Ok, well, first.. I love your coffee analogy. =)

Second.. you’ve got good perspective.You shouldn’t “settle.” You need an even give/take, love/respect relationship where you both are 100% committed, 100% doggedly determined to put your all into, keep it going, and never give up. Those who settle? What are they going to do when they decide that who they picked just isn’t worth putting up with anymore… or worse, find out their spouse doesn’t care to put effort in on them anymore and is leaving. After they’ve had a few years and a few kids together? That’s scary!

You keep waiting for the coffee beans for your water, or, your water for your coffee beans, whichever, so you can make beautiful delicious coffee together. =)

Karina says:

Thank you Amber! 🙂

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