Candid Karina











This post started in my head as a thought for a Facebook status update.  But there was just so much more to say.  So, I’ll start by stating a disclaimer:  My friends are amazing.  I love my friends.  My friends are caring and thoughtful and I believe, honestly only want good things for me.  This post is written in good humor, no anger or hard feelings behind it.  Take it for what it is, an informative post to help you discern when maybe, just maybe, you’re forgetting what it was like when you were me…

  1. Just because I’m single it does not mean that every other single person out there is “perfect” for me.  Being “single” is not, in itself, the solitary quality to bring two people together.  PLEASE take into account our lifestyles, our interests, our personalities.  And then, take a step outside of your non-single status and ask yourself this question “Would I, if I were single, HONESTLY consider dating this person myself?”  Because odds are, if we are friends, we have these things (lifestyles, interests, personalities) in common…and if you wouldn’t date them…why should I?
  2. Please don’t introduce me to and/or try to set me up with and/or suggest to me as a potential, EVERY SINGLE PERSON you know.  Please refer back to number one.  Filter your choices, present me with the ones you can actually see potential in. If you honestly believe you’ve met someone I just must meet, then by all means, make it happen!  But come armed with the reasons why you feel I will want to meet or get to know this person.  If you’re not in the habit of introducing me to, or trying to set me up with EVERY single guy you meet, I’ll listen when you have a suggestion for me.
  3. If I want you to set me up with someone you know…I will tell you.  I promise.  If I want you to help me meet people, I will tell you.  If I want to know if you have any single friends, I will ask you.  If I have an interest in someone you might know a little better than I do, I will ask you to introduce us.  If I consider you my friend, I will trust you to do what is best for me, and to let me know if you feel this person could be a good match for me.  Once again, please refer back to number 1.  That person being single?  NOT SUFFICIENT information to determine our compatibility.   And trust me, the other person will feel the same way, just knowing I’m single won’t be sufficient, or, if he’s right for me, it shouldn’t be.  He should want to know something about me besides my relationship status.  But trust me to come to you.
  4. If I confide in you that I am feeling lonely, this does not mean that I feel this way all the time.  I am not asking you to feel sorry for me.  I am not asking you to fix me up. (Please refer to number three here).  I am not asking you to suggest ways to find a husband.  I don’t need you to refer me to an online dating site.  I am not asking you to figure out a way to cure me of my singleness.  Being single is not a disease.  I will have my days when I’d rather not be single.  I’m pretty sure you have your days when you’d rather not be married.  When you come to me, on those days when your husband is annoying the living daylights out of you, I don’t direct you to a divorce attorney’s website, do I?  Let me confide in you, be my friend, listen, and understand that whatever our relationship status is, we have good days and bad days, we have days we LOVE our status, and days we might come really close to hating it…
  5. I love that you want me to be happy and in love.  TRULY I do.  It means the world to me that you want that happiness for me.  I appreciate your thoughts on this.  I appreciate how much you care.  And I appreciate when you want to get involved to help me get there.  I hope that I tell you these things.  I hope that I let you know when I feel these thoughts and actions are welcome.  Because sometimes, they are.  But please try to remember that as my friend you should also want me to be happy now.  When I’m single.  Please don’t focus all your energy on what I don’t have.  Notice all that I do have.  Notice the life I’m living today.  Help me to enjoy this part as well.
  6. Yes, I have thought about online dating.  IF and when I decide I want to do that, I will.  I am WELL AWARE it exists.  Stop pushing me to do it.  If it ever feels right for me, I’ll go there.  I’m just going to say this one more time to make sure there’s no misunderstanding here: STOP TELLING ME TO TRY ONLINE DATING.  Thank you.
  7. You are right; I don’t know what it’s like to have to deal with a husband’s personality, demands, schedule, etc. I do not know what it’s like to have to deal with your child’s temper tantrums or insanely hyper active school activities.  Telling me I am “so lucky” to not have any of those obligations is both rude and hurtful.  There are days, when I’d give everything to have them.  Also, throwing those things in my face, telling me my life is so much easier and less stressful because I don’t have a family to care for, doesn’t just make it seem like you find my life less valuable than yours, it is completely inaccurate.  My commitments, my interests, my activities are just as valid.  My relationships, although they may not be maternal or romantic, are just as significant to my survival.  I treat my friendships as my family, I treat my plans with them as you would dinner with your husband.  THEY MATTER.
  8. On this same vein, making me feel guilty because I don’t have to provide financially for children, or am not supporting the habits and interests of a husband as well as my own is also a completely null argument.  I am supporting my household on a single income.  I pay ALL of the bills, not just some of the bills.  If I don’t want to spend most of my time alone, I am required to go out and spend money on activities and dinners and whatever social situation I can place myself in, so I’m not at home, alone on a Friday night.  And let’s not forget that it is with my solitary income that I am paying for all of my non-single friends’ events, childrens’ birthday party gifts, baby shower gifts, wedding gifts, Christmas presents, (where I’m usually buying individual gifts for all members of your family), etc. etc.  Please let me make this clear, I am not complaining.  I enjoy celebrating life events with all of my friends.  Don’t even feel guilty for inviting me to a gift giving occasion…shopping for presents is an honest joy to me.  Just remember that financially, we’re all in the same boat.  I may have less financial “obligations” according to your world.  But, you may have less according to mine.  Let’s call this one even and remember not to quibble about money.
  9. When you tell me that it should be easy to keep my house in order, since I’m the only one living there, remember two things: ONE: you have obviously not yet met my two cats.  And Two: Keep in mind, that I have to move that television all by myself, to have to figure out where the closest mechanic is, how to replace a broken light fixture alone, to do all the dishes, all the laundry, all the cleaning, all the cooking, and all the breadwinning.  There is no one at my house to open that stubborn pickle jar.  For every time your husband leaves his socks outside the hamper, there’s a pickle jar for me.  But when all is said and done, you love your husband, and you’ll take the socks!  I feel the same about my life.
  10. Here is the most important one: I want to be able to discuss my singledom with you, and I want you to be able to discuss your relationship with me.  I want us to not be afraid to share our trials and tribulations, as friends do.  But I don’t want to feel judged, pressured, or like you think I need to do something to change my situation.  I don’t want to make you feel any of those things about your relationship either.  Unless you are in an incredibly unhealthy relationship.  And even then, I might give advice…but only if you ask me for it.  If I ask you, or if you feel I am unhappy, well, then none of the above really apply, feel free to call me out on it.

And before anyone asks, no, this isn’t about you.  Not completely anyway.  I’ve taken bits and pieces of everything I’ve experienced in my long time as “the single friend” and pieced them all together.  If you take this entire post personally…maybe we should talk. But this isn’t about any ONE of you directly or indirectly…

And now, in closing, I challenge you to this:  What do you, my non-single friends, wish your single friends would remember?  After all, turnabout is fair play, right?



It happened again. Not for the first time in my life, I’ve been faced with one of those moments when I feel that I’m just a little late.

Or perhaps, a lot late, as the case may be.

Either way, once again, my timing is off.

And I could sit here and tell you that I know, in my heart, that it isn’t about my timing anyway, God’s timing has its own pace, and it’s not mine to question.

I could sit here and tell you that in my brain, I know this, and I know that my time too, will come.

But at this moment, I feel like I’m chasing the white rabbit down the hole screaming once again, “I’m late, I’m late, for a very important…non-date”.

See, the thing is, I keep meeting the perfect guy for me. Or so I think. And then that annoying, and grammatically incorrect Alanis Morrisette song starts playing in my head…

“It’s like meeting the man of your dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife”…Isn’t it Ironic?

No, it’s not ironic, in fact, it’s just plain cruel.

This vicious cycle of meeting “the one” only to realize he is someone else’s “one” started so long ago, I’m beginning to believe the universe hates me.

Shall we visit a few of the exhibits?

Exhibit A: and perhaps the most heartwrenching of all: The Soulmate (go on an click if you want the FULL story). To this day, I portend he was “the one”. I loved him with all I had. He too, loved me. But prior to meeting me, he’d given his heart and soul to another, and when she ripped it to shreds, he swore never to get married again. So, when I came along, fantastic as our relationship was, it stagnated. There was no moving forward with a man still stuck in the past…I was too late.

Exhibit B: A few years later, I received a visit from a male friend who had moved half way across the country many years before. We had been friends for nearly a decade, and never once had I thought of him as anything more, though I realized by then that he, perhaps, had at one point or another hoped I would. Either way, that day, as he sat in my living room, and we chatted amiably, it hit me. YES, there it is, it’s him. He’s the one. How had I not seen it before? But now I knew…now I could tell him. Almost instantly, as soon as I realized this, he turned to me and said “I have something to tell you”. Heart beats faster as I listen in anticipation… “I’m getting married” he says. Once again…I was too late.

Exhibit C: A few years ago I took a trip to meet up with a friend in Savannah. My flight down was a nightmare, started off by a mechanical issue on the plane, which would undoubtedly have made me miss my connecting flight. Along with 3 other passengers I was pulled off the flight and sent running to another airline, to board a different flight. One of these passengers was a man. A man I almost instantly clicked with. We chatted amiably as we waited for confirmation on this new flight, and in the process I discovered he was married. Moving on, I rushed to catch the flight, while he stayed behind to work out his own flight details, missing that flight. I chalked it up to just an unimportant meeting, until 2 days later, in Savannah, I ran into him on the street one night, just walking around. Again we chatted for a bit, and the chemistry between us was obvious, electric, cruel. He invited my friend and I to join him and his friend for a drink, but thinking of his wife, I declined and moved on. Annoyed with the universe…again, too late.

Exhibit D: More recently, there have been a myriad of friendships with men that have appeared in my life. All wonderful men. All men with whom there is chemistry, and friendship and…nothing more. Because each of these men, as it turns out, has already found a wife, a girlfriend, a partner. As a friend, I am happy to realize they are not for me. In fact, some of these wives, girlfriends, etc. are friends of mine as well, and as a true friend, I am glad, because I wish nothing less for my friends than what I would expect for myself. Therefore, if I feel these men contain some of the qualities I would want for myself, I can’t help but be thrilled my friends have found them. And the truth is, these guys really aren’t “the one” for me, not at all…Still…I can’t help but think…if only…too late…

There are more such examples…so many, in fact, that I almost laugh now at the ridiculousness of the joke. Because it has to be a joke. Why the Universe would choose to place these men in my life, sometimes in the most unbelievable of circumstances, only to then just as quickly yank them out…can only be a cruel joke.

And again this weekend, it happened.

Attending a church event, I saw a man. A man I’d seen before, in a completely unrelated environment, with nothing but “faith” to connect the two events. No friends in common, no towns in common, really, nothing to connect the two events, but God.

I will not lie that for a moment (or several moments) I allowed my mind to get carried away, thinking “I wasn’t even sure I’d be attending this event today, and yet, here I am, and here he is…what are the odds? Could this be one of those ‘signs’ I’m learning to notice more of?”

The excitement of promise bubbled in me. Until, suddenly, I noticed his wedding band.

Go on, laugh with me…because really…what else is there to do?



{November 18, 2010}   All The Boys – Runaway

Well folks…I figured I owed you an update on little runner boy here at the good ol’ blog…so here goes.

Are you ready for this?

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Yeah…sorry, I’ve got nothing.

No, I mean, it, nothing.

The latest news was good. I was biding my time, and waiting to see how it would turn out, but it was looking good.

He was calling and texting, and we were attempting to make plans. Our schedules weren’t meshing, but the attempts were there on both sides, and the interest seemed mutual.

Then on Sunday 2 weeks ago, we chatted in the morning and discussed the Celtics game which was later that evening. He asked if I’d be watching, I said yes, he said he would too, and that I should call him.

I’m not a mind reader, but he made it sound like perhaps we could watch the game together. That was the impression I got, and the few friends I shared with felt the same way.

So, that evening when I came home, I called him before the game.

I got his voice mail.

I left a message for him to call me back.

And…

That was two weeks ago. I haven’t heard from him since.

Yep, dating sure is fun. (ahem, sarcasm)

Back to the drawing board we go then…



{November 8, 2010}   When Boys Had Cooties

There was a time, somewhere in my early childhood, when I thought all boys had cooties.

Or so I’m led to believe.
Because, there’s a time in every little girl’s life when boys have cooties, right?
Except, the thing is…I don’t remember that time.
No, to be quite honest with you, I just remember ALWAYS liking boys.
I liked to chase them around, play tag and hide and seek, climb trees and ride bikes with them.
Maybe it was because I was a bit of a tomboy, but boys didn’t really have cooties, they were just FUN to be with.
Then I got girlie. But even then, I liked boys. Of course, by then, I liked boys because they were cute, and silly, and they made me giggle and blush.
So, I’d like to tell you that I miss a time when I thought all boys had cooties…but, I don’t remember there ever being such a time.
Which is too bad, because then I’d have a point of reference for going back to when now, as a full grown adult, heading back into the dating world in my “gulp” thirties…I really wish I could just say “boys are dumb and they have cooties” and go play barbies with the girls.
I won’t bore you with the latest details of my “non-dates” with Runner Boy, because well…there isn’t much to tell.
But, the truth is, all this back and forth is exciting, and exhausting, it’s nerve racking and giggle inducing…dating is…FUN. And…so ANNOYING.
It would just be so much easier if boys really did have cooties.


A few weeks ago I told you about my potential “Running date”.


I’ve been asked for an update on how it all turned out, and well, my dear readers, ask and ye shall receive…


Unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot to report, but what there is to report, is good.


The “date”:


We met up on a Saturday afternoon, and greeted each other like old friends, hugs and all.


It had been 17 years since we’d last seen each other, but we picked up in conversation as if no time had passed, easy, comfortable, normal.


Our run was about an hour long, during which we covered the span of our lives in the last nearly two decades. After our run, we sat and chatted for another hour, discussing everything else under the sun.


I learned, in those two hours, that he still is the same nice guy I remembered him being back then. I learned that we have a lot in common, and a lot of the same interests in life. I learned he’s been married, and divorced, but has no kids. He is also mature, has a level head on his shoulders, and appears to be mostly “undamaged” by his past relationships. If you’ve read any of my other “All The Boys” posts, you know this is major to me, because I tend to date all the “damaged” boys.


There were moments when he’d say something and I would think to myself “wow, guys like you still exist?” Refreshing.


We talked about running together again, or more specifically, he told me that if I was running again the following Saturday, to let him know and he would definitely join me. We also talked about working out together in the winter in the gym, once the weather got too cold out for running. Once again, he suggested we do so. Plans for the future…bonus, right?


It was a lovely way to spend an afternoon, and I walked away with tentative plans for a run the following Saturday and a smile on my face.


I also walked away completely unsure if this was something with romantic potential or just “old friends catching up” and a new workout buddy.


Such as it is, in all honesty, I walked away with a crush. But I also walked away content in the knowledge that I’d reconnected with a great old friend, and would be perfectly happy if it went the way of “just a new work out buddy”. Truthfully.


This past Saturday was to be our follow up date, and we did, in fact, make plans to go run together again in the afternoon. However, about an hour before our run, he called and bailed on me.


He had a legitimate enough reason, and didn’t want me to miss my run because he was running late and unsure if he’d make it at all. Told me to go on without him, and if he could make it on time, he’d let me know. If not, he suggested perhaps running together the following day. I let him know the following day would probably not work for me, I had plans, but okay, to let me know about that afternoon or maybe we could go in the morning on Sunday.


He didn’t make it. I went running solo anyway, and had a great run.


Although disappointed, I was relieved as well, because now, officially, the ball was in his court. If he is interested, he’ll have to follow up. The stress if off me.


I figured perhaps I’d hear from him on Sunday, perhaps I’d hear from him this week, perhaps I’d never hear from him again, perhaps I’d hear from him next month. Who knew?


I’m not one to spend too much time stressing over guys, so I decided to just let it unfold however it would, and go on with my life as I have been.


He texted me Saturday night, asked me how my run was.


This was unexpected, and made me slightly giddy. Because a guy looking for “just a new workout buddy” wouldn’t text me at 11:30 on a Saturday night.


It was a short conversation, and as of right now, we still don’t have other plans, but the ball is still officially in his court, and I’m not stressing about it.


And also, I think he likes me.


Just sayin’. 😉



{November 3, 2010}   The Bright Side

I’m joining MamaKat this week in her “writing prompts” post, and answering this question:


Write about how you stay positive about something that sometimes brings you down.

I’ll tell you right off the bat that it is my mission in life to be a positive person. I can’t stand debbie downers with all their “woe is me” negativity. I have ZERO patience for that kind of attitude.


Life is, without question, difficult. We are faced daily with bad news and scary trials and tribulations. So, yes, I understand how easy it is to get caught up in the negative and run with it. But, why would you choose to do so? How can that possibly be the way you choose to live your life? How can that be helpful?

I don’t get it, and I won’t do it.


Because the truth is that life is also beautiful. Full of amazing experiences, and incredible people and the most awe inspiring blessings. You just have to choose to notice them, appreciate them, and revel in them.


So, I? I choose to be positive.

But, even someone like me can have days when it just seems like it’s not worth it to bother faking that smile. There are days when yes, I too succumb to the darkness.

Fortunately for me, it never lasts for too long, because wallowing in self-pity is just exhausting, and I don’t have enough energy to be negative all the time.

And before you start thinking that this must all be because I have it easy, my life MUST be so much better than everyone else’s if I can keep this outlook on life, let me set you straight…

I mean, my life is pretty awesome (laughing here), but it is far from easy and stress free, and happy all the time. It is awesome because I have chosen to make it so, to see it that way.

For example, I am single. I am 35 years old, single, living on my own, with no kids and no prospects for a husband. In fact, I have BARELY dated in the last 10 years. BARELY.

So, take that, and realize it could go one of two ways.

I could chose the path that so many women, and quite a few of my close friends, have chosen, and be miserable. I could cry about being lonely, I could pine the hours away waiting for my Prince Charming to come along, I could make it my life’s mission to find my husband and focus ALL MY ENERGY on going through Mr. Wrong after Mr. OH SO WRONG before finally, hopefully, landing Mr. Right. And then be even more miserable when it turns out he was Mr. OH NO You Didn’t after all.

I could stay home on Friday nights, cuddling with my two cats, feeling sorry for myself about the sad state of affairs I am in.

I could feel like life is passing me by, and someone forgot to stop and pick me up along the way.

I could do that.

Or I could choose the other path. I could LIVE. I could take advantage of my lack of “partner” in life, and enjoy making all my own plans. I could enjoy having a variety of friends from all walks of life, living in all different parts of the world, and revel in my ability to hop on a plane and jet off to visit them at a moment’s notice without having to coordinate schedules with someone else.

I could spend the money I’m not spending on Valentine’s, Birthday, Christmas gifts and buy myself a nice collection of shoes, all the techy toys a tech geek girl like me could dream of, and memories to last a lifetime from all the trips I’ve taken in the last 10 years.

I could enjoy playing with my friends’ kids, and then send them home to mommy and daddy after I’ve spiked them up on sugar and loud toys. Being the coolest “auntie” of all.

I could stay home on Friday nights, cuddling with my two cats, enjoying the peace and quiet, and the liberty to wear my rattiest pjs, hair all disheveled, in the comfort of my own home, which I purchased with my own money, all by my strong independent self.

I love my life. Don’t get me wrong, I too suffer from moments of loneliness and yes, I really do want to meet Mr. Right and have that lasting, loving, wonderful relationship full of conflict and passion and reality that I do honestly believe I’m made for.


But in the meantime, I choose the “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar” path…

Except, you know, when my phone rings and it just happens to be my most recent crush…then I turn into a giggly teenage girl.

What? We can’t all be perfect. 😉

Writer’s Note: If you are new to my blog, please note that this post was written in my usual sarcastic and silly tone of voice. If you take me too seriously, well…just don’t.



{October 21, 2010}   All The Boys – Run Karina Run

Oh, God has the greatest sense of humor. Can you hear Him laughing from where you sit? Because I can. He’s having a jolly old time right about now, laughing at (okay, with) me.


Let me explain.


When I was in high school, I was not athletic. At all. In fact, the last time I did any sort of sports activity was when I ran track in the 4th grade. Then puberty hit, and I was all set with sweating. I became a girlie girl. Sports were not for me. By the time high school came around, I was one of those girls in gym class who would walk laps around the gym in order to not have to participate in the volleyball game.


And running? Up until about a year ago I used to say that “I’ll run if someone is chasing me”.


I was not a jock.


Recently, as in, within the last year, I’ve started running. I love it, I’m addicted, but I’m still pretty much a newbie.


You need to know this, because it’ll come into play later.


The other thing you need to know, if you are just tuning in is that I don’t date much (ahem, at all), and haven’t for a really long time. My last date was quite a while ago, and the date before that date? I don’t remember.


Initially this not dating thing was a choice, a decision to work on myself, to take some time for me. And then…well, life, and being in my 30’s and living in the suburbs, and not really meeting anyone outside my “circle” (and we won’t discuss the disaster that dating INSIDE my circle turned into…nope, we won’t).


So, yeah, I don’t really date. I’ve wanted to get back out on the dating scene for a while now, but the pickin’s? They are slim.


So, anyway, those are the things you need to know.


And now, begins the comedy portion of this post:


In high school, I met this boy. Let’s call him Pretty Boy. Pretty Boy was a sweet kid and we had a “thing”. As far as high school things go, this was of the most innocent and secretive kind. He was friends with another boy I had an on again/off again thing with, and he was a little shy, so, we hung out, but it never really amounted to much of anything.


If I remember correctly, and my memories of high school are hazy, mostly because I’ve blocked a lot of that time in my life out of my memory completely, we discovered our mutual attraction far too close to graduation to really pursue it.


I never saw him again after graduation, and to be honest, I don’t think I ever thought of him again. I pretty much forgot he existed, and I’ll venture to say it was a mutual thing.


Then about a year ago, FaceBook suggested him as a friend. Surprised to recognize both his name and his face, I sent him a message asking if he remembered me. It took him so long to reply that I once again forgot he existed. When he did reply, he apologized for the late response, explaining he was never on FB, but said of course he remembered me. I’d like to tell you that at that point a conversation ensued, but…I believe I responded to that message, but never heard from him again.


As he’d said, he’s never really on FB, and, in all honesty, I once again forgot all about him.


Until this week.


Because this week, after I went running one day, and posted a status with my run stats, I heard from him.


He said “Wow, I’m proud of you, that’s a great run time, I can’t do that well just yet”. Something along those lines.


Randomly.


Out of nowhere.


Unexpected.


And, something inside me said “hmmmmm”.


So, without allowing myself time to hesitate, second guess, and chicken out, I replied to his comment, saying we should go running sometime, I’d love to catch up.

I put it out there, and I walked away.


And later that day I had a private message from him saying he’d love to go running, perhaps this weekend, giving me his number to call him.


I wrote him back, saying this weekend was good, telling him I’d call him “later this week”.


Today is later this week.


I just called him.


The conversation was short, because he was at work, but it was comfortable, easy, fun. We caught up a bit, talked about work, and then he asked “So when do you want to go running?”


We decided on Saturday afternoon.


He said he’s really looking forward to catching up.


I said “This should be a lot of fun”.


He had to get back to work, we hung up.


I’m out of practice with this dating thing.


I’m a little bit nervous.


I’m a lot bit excited.


I’m well aware this could be non-romantic in all aspects, I’m not pinning a whole lot of hopes on this.


I’m also aware that this has potential. I’m a little “teenage girl” giddy.


Also…God is laughing. Because I? Am going RUNNING on a potential date?


Running?


With a guy.


A guy I haven’t seen in 17 years.

Running.


Yep, God has a wicked sense of humor.


Thank God for that.



{August 6, 2010}   All She Wants To Do Is Dance

I’m determined to start posting more regularly on this blog, and I think in order to do that, I have to let go of some of my self-imposed expectations and allow myself to just write.


See, back in the day, when I had more time, I would write these lengthy creative posts, with pictures and links and things.


Because I no longer have the time or the energy for those, I find myself not writing at all.


And that’s just a shame.


So, I’m letting go, and I’m just going to write. I’m going back to basics and back to when I used this blog to write my random thoughts and feelings of my daily life.


Today, I’m going to tell you about last Saturday night, because it was both a fun night, and also, unfortunately, a bit of a reality check.


I went out Saturday night with my cousin M&M and her friend, who is now also my friend, who, for my own reasons, will be known as Match.


Anyway, Match and I kicked off the evening at a “not-tupperware” party. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, that’s just as well, but for those of you who have a slight suspicion, yes, it was one of THOSE. M&M couldn’t join us, so Match and I went, and had a pretty decent time. Really, it was pretty hilarious.


After said party, we headed over to M&M’s for drinks and some munchies, before really heading out for a night of dancing and fun at a local bar/club.


Now, my days of nightclubs are far far behind me. When I was in my 20’s every weekend was a chance to spend 2 to 3 nights dancing the night away. In my heyday, there was rarely a club night that didn’t include a little drinking, a lot of dancing, and always some flirting and phone number exchange.


Out on a dance floor, I was full of confidence, knowing I CAN dance, and that confidence without fail always translated into male attention.


In those days, I knew I had IT, and IT always resulted in plenty of dates. I was never lacking for attention from the opposite sex. It was so easy then.


But things have changed. I spent the better part of my late 20’s and early 30’s in a sort of “holding pattern”. Single, content, hardly ever meeting any eligible men, never mind dating, and not exactly noticing or caring all that much about it.


Suddenly, at 35, I find myself once again wanting to date. I would love to meet a nice guy who can create a spark of chemistry between us, make me laugh, and arouse my intellect.


In the meantime, I wouldn’t mind a simple flirtation or two.


So, Saturday night, armed with the knowledge that my leaner, fitter body looked pretty hot in my skinny jeans, high heels and form fitting, but not sleazy tank top, I headed out on the dance floor. My domain. The one place I have always felt confident, and irresistible.


And I can still dance. My confidence in that aspect has never wavered. But it was all different.


I was surrounded by kids in their late teens and early 20’s. Surrounded by little girls in littler dresses, flaunting ALL their stuff with zero inhibitions, performing moves on the dance floor which should be reserved for the stripper pole.


And although I remember being wild in my heyday, I’m pretty sure I drew the line somewhere much tamer than this.


And I found myself beating back the motherly instinct to tell these girls to put some clothes on and stop acting like Jersey Shore Snookie. And I’m not even a mother.


And I realized that IT no longer belongs to me. And the truth of it all is, I’m pretty sure I no longer want IT anyway. Not if that’s the way to get IT now…


Don’t get me wrong, I had fun. The three of us danced the night away, and the people watching alone was worth the price of admission.


But I felt old and out of place, and sure I didn’t belong.


Even the adorable 29 year old boy who argued I didn’t look a day over 25 (bless his heart) couldn’t take away the feeling that as much as I love to dance, this is so no longer my scene.


And even the adorable 29 year old boy wasn’t interested in my phone number.


Because as much fun as we had flirting and joking for a few minutes, I was no competition for the barely dressed 23 year olds he was dancing with later on that evening. Nor did I want to be.


I’ve had my turn, it’s time, perhaps, to pass that torch.


And yet…a part of me grieves for that younger me, out on the dance floor, having the time of her life. Never suspecting that one day, many years later, she’d have to let go, grow up, and put away her dancing shoes.



In case you missed, I explain the “If I Had a Boyfriend” series here.


I attended a “Gala” Fundraising event. It was a very prom like evening in that everyone was all decked out, dressed up to the nines. The party was a great time, and it was fun to have an excuse to actually wear a bridesmaid dress again.


I KNOW! I really did though, and you know what? It was perfect. The dress, a strapless, corset back, poufy skirt, black and white number was exactly the right little number to wear for this event.


This dress:



And yes, I was having a lovely time (and no, i’m not in love with this photo AT ALL but it was the only one that showed the whole dress).


But here’s the thing, this dress is what those in the know in the fashion world call a “relationship dress”.


What is a relationship dress, you ask? Let me remind you again that I said “corset back”. As in, lace up the back, in that intricate manner that requires not only looping through the various holes, but also tightening as you go along, not unlike laces on a pair of sneakers. But you know…at the back. That area you can’t reach on your own.


THIS back:



Also, if you’ve ever watched any Jane Austen movies, or Gone with the Wind, you probably remember a scene or two where the damsel is holding onto a bedpost as her maid servant laces up her corset. A task that not only requires precision, but also, to be brutally honest, force.


So yeah, a relationship dress, because in today’s society, where most of us don’t have our very own maid servants (or as they are called inHollywood today, personal stylists), you need to be in a relationship in order to get INTO the dress. It is not possible to do it on your own.


And I? I am not in a relationship.


If I had a boyfriend, my brother’s fiancé wouldn’t have had to come over early to help me get into my dress, before we headed out for the evening.


If I had a boyfriend, getting out of that same dress that night, especially after the handful of espresso martinis I enjoyed that evening, would probably have been a lot more “fun” and a lot less “funny”.


Let it be noted, however, that I did not need help undressing, and managed just fine on my own.

That being said…no more relationship dresses for me until I have either A) a boyfriend or B) a personal stylist.



It’s no longer a secret (to me as well as to others) that I’m ready to meet a guy. I’ve been single for a long time, and although being single certainly has had its advantages, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am indeed ready for a relationship again.


The prospects are, however, few and far between, and I find myself at a crossroads of a sort. Finally having let down my guard enough to realize the reasons I want a partner in life, to allow those feelings in, but unable to share them with anyone just yet.


But the beauty of this situation is that I am beginning to be able to visualize the next chapter in my life. I can now see how things will be, why it will be good for me, how it will be different, what it will offer me.


In much the way of “The Secret”, I’m allowing myself to project into the world what it is that I want, and expecting the universe to deliver. At some point…whenever that should happen to be…are you listening universe?


Michael Buble says it well in his new song “Wherever You Are, Whenever It’s Right, You’ll come out of nowhere and into my life, and I know that we can be so amazing, and baby your love is gonna change me, and now I can see every possibility…I just haven’t met you yet”.


In the meantime, I allow myself to do something I haven’t done in a long long time. I indulge in the silly fantasies of the things I look forward to sharing with my future guy. And because I’m a blogger, you, my dear readers, get to indulge with me.


Welcome to my new blog series “If I had a boyfriend”. There’s no anticipated schedule for these posts, they’ll be as random as my realizations that certain things are meant to be done as part of a couple.


These will not be “woe is me, life as a single girl sucks” whine fests, they will be fun, silly, and sometimes serious reflections of life as a single woman ready for a change.


Stay tuned.



et cetera